Thursday, February 12, 2015

My Money Story: rags to riches - and back to rags (I hope not!)

When I was little we were a typical middle class family. My father was a food chemist for a large dairy products company, my mother was a stay-at-home mom until I was in second grade. We weren't rich, but money wasn't an issue either. We lived in Chicago and father commuted to work by train. I remember when we got our first car: a VW bus. We were going to leave Chicago and move to California and spend 2 weeks driving there camping along the way. They took out one of the seats so that we 3 kids could sleep on the floor of the bus, while our parents slept on cots outside. My parents would start driving again in the early morning while we were still asleep and then stop at a diner for breakfast. We lived in California for one year before moving back east – again taking 2 weeks and visiting several national parks along the way. We always had dogs and cats, but after we moved to a suburb of New York City on the New York/New Jersey border when I was 9, we had a huge vegetable garden and Father kept bees, rabbits and chickens.

When my father was laid off from his job as a food chemist when I was about 12, things changed. My parents had never believed in giving an allowance. They gave us what we needed, and we were expected to contribute to the family. Any extras had to come from our jobs outside the home. From that time on, money was very tight. There was a period where my babysitting money went into the family cash box and any luxuries like trips to the movies, or the Dairy Queen for ice cream came out of that. At times there was so little money that we kids paid for our parents.

When my baby brother was born, my mother lost her job as a kindergarten teacher. My parents took over the running of the community farm, and Father drove school bus on the side. My parents also took in foster children since my mother was at home anyway, partly for company for my baby brother, partly for extra money. Another source of income was renting out one of the rooms in the house, or all of them when there was a conference. I remember we used to sleep in the barn with the cows in winter and in summer in the hay loft during these conferences and at least for me, I found it exciting and fun. I was excited when we moved to the farm. When I was little, in Chicago, we used to go on vacation to a farm every summer. And I had always longed to live on a farm.

All of us worked at odd jobs in the community from the time we were about 12. My sister and I did babysitting and house cleaning, our brother did babysitting and yard work. We kids were all expected to pitch in on the farm. I baked all the bread, as well as helping with the milking and taking care of the goats. I have great memories of haying: driving the old John Deer, so old it had to be started with a flywheel, standing on the hay wagon catching the bales and stacking them. Mother bringing freshly baked scones up to the fields. Because of the farm we always ate well. Mother grew vegetables and we picked wild raspberries and blackberries, as well as apples, peaches, cherries and strawberries from abandoned orchards or “pick yourself” farms. Canning was a family activity where Father would read to us while we worked. We also pressed our own cider, had honey from own bees, eggs and meat from our chickens, rabbits and, pigs, and milk, butter, yogurt and cottage cheese from our cows and goats.

We never bought any clothes. Our school had a thrift shop and people would let us sort through the clothes they were giving away, and take what we wanted before donating the rest. I still remember the thrill of getting on my bike and driving to the mall to buy a new bathing suit, and then getting a box of doughnuts on the way home to share with the rest of my family.

Though w
e didn't have much money, but I didn't feel poor. Culture was an important value for my parents, and they somehow managed a subscription to the Shakespeare Festival in Stratford Connecticut every summer and we kids took turns going with them. In my senior year, knowing that they would soon be moving further away from the city they subscribed to the NYC opera and again we took turns going with them. When I wanted to take guitar lessons I paid for them with bread and produce from the farm. When we couldn't afford family vacations anymore, I used to spend a week visiting my Grandma in Pennsylvania in the summer, as well as going to church youth camps and participating in activities of the local youth group.

I don't remember this as a time of hardship. I have always believed that not having a lot of money taught me to be thrifty, and to be conscious of my true values, since I was never in a position to spend money indiscriminately, and I learned to budget. I learned that the secret to not feeling poor is to make my needs fit my means.
Looking back I can see that I have adopted many of my parent's values, such as family, traveling, cultural experiences, closeness to nature, living off the land, and education. Enabling me to have a Waldorf School education drove many of my parents life decisions, and I too made that a priority for my own children. I also always saved money so that we could visit family in America, at least every 4 years - much as my parents did by taking us to Germany where my mother's parents and sister lived. Like my parents I have always grown at least some of my own vegetables and raised chickens. For 6 years I even had my own farm. I still try to eat local and organic food as much as possible, keep a variety of pets and prefer to live in a rural environment.

After leaving home at 18,
I continued to basically live a hand to mouth existence for the next 20 years. I had a number of minimum wage jobs in the fast food market, and even experienced being homeless and living under a bridge for 2 weeks. But I had a dog and eventually found a rewarding job working on a dairy goat farm in exchange for housing. At 20 I went to Europe with $200 in travelers checks to studying in Vienna. Somehow I survived, between house-cleaning and babysitting jobs, a small allowance from my parents and grandma, and an open no strings attached loan from a friend. I managed to explore Europe by hitch-hiking to Switzerland, Greece and Norway where I spent the summers working on a farm for room and board and a little pocket money. In Vienna, I frequently took advantage of the availability of cheap standing room tickets at the opera, the theater and at concerts. However I discovered that no matter how beautiful, how historically and culturally rich, city life was not for me, and at 22 I left Vienna to go to Norway and try my hand at farming.

I had become engaged to a Norwegian during my second summer there and together we bought a small farm just north of the arctic circle. During the 6 years of farming we never made any money, but had the pleasure and satisfaction of living off the land in an exciting climate and geographic location. The 80's were a hard time for farming. Many of the subsidies of the 70's were discontinued and the milk quota system was introduced. Farmers who were unable to make a decent living farming anymore, could not give it up because their debt was greater than what the farm was worth. My husband and I agreed on one thing. Never to have more debt than that one of us could be a stay at home parent. And so, we were able to sell the farm when we decided to give up farming. For the next few years until our divorce, with the help of careful budgeting, we spent a year in England and then another in the US, before moving back to Norway, while living on the proceeds from the sale and then on his meager teacher's salary.

I was 35 when we divorced and I found myself a single mother of 4 children aged 3 to 8 years of age. My income was about 2/3 government support and 1/3 child support from my ex. Like my parents I had a vegetable garden, berry bushes and chickens and I sold eggs at the children's school. Above all I wanted my children to go to a Waldorf School, and I was granted a substantial scholarship. Still each month I had to decide which bills I could pay in full, which I could only pay in 2-3 month installments and which had to be postponed and I would make phone calls to make the arrangements. I belonged to a food coop and saved the percentage that they give you back at the end of the year so that I could take the kids to visit their American relatives, which we managed every 4 years or so. 

No matter how carefully I budgeted, I was still running at a loss and I still remember once having been recommended to have the social welfare office look over my financial situation in case I was qualified for social welfare aid. I sent in the detailed application and was told that according to their calculations I was probably losing about NOK 6000 pr year. In fact I was losing only NOK 2000 pr year. They also said that to qualify for welfare I could not have a car and my children could not be in kindergarten. Their calculations did include a TV license, which was several thousand NOK pr year as well as clothes. Also any money I made selling eggs for example would have to be reported so that they could deduct it from the welfare check. So basically they were saying that to get welfare I would have to live in poverty, without the means to get an education (car, child-care) and without the opportunity to augment my already minimal income. So I declined aid from welfare, cancelled my life insurance, thereby reducing my expenses and decided that I wanted to choose what to spend my money on. Like my parents, I never had a clothes budget. The children wore hand-me-downs donated by neighbors and parents at the school. And I neither had nor wanted a TV. I did however need a car and child-care so that I could go to college and get my nursing degree, and then get a job and start supporting myself. 


The combination of having a proper profession and sharing living expenses with my second husband gave me my first taste of financial freedom. For the first time in my life I experienced the joys of travel that wasn't combined with family visits, the pleasure of spa treatments, eating out, being able to afford organic foods. After my separation from my second husband it has been difficult to adjust to having less money. My credit card debt keeps creeping up, and I have had to borrow a substantial amount of money from one of my sons. I can't seem to go back to turning each penny. I have this feeling that it shouldn't be necessary. As a nurse specialist I get paid quite well after all. I think really it is mostly a question of figuring out what are my most important values and putting my money there. 


Right now, I feel the lack of time more acutely than the lack of money. I still want to support organic agriculture as much as possible. I want to be able to travel frequently. To live in a rural setting with a garden, and pets. I want to get out of Norway in the winter – it is just too dark and cold for me – and to this end I sold my home in Norway and bought a home on the Greek island of Crete. So that is where I am now. I am getting by, certainly not living from hand to mouth, yet not experiencing the financial freedom that I would like.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Have fun and enjoy life!

The other day I was doing an online market research survey, and one or the questions asked about the importance of various values in my life, such as environment, culture etc. One of them was having fun and enjoying myself. I was about to check the box for not very important, when I thought: "Hey, wait a minute! This is all about living in delight! No wonder I am struggling. I need to make this the most important value in my life!"

And that is what I am determined to do. Then and there I decided to put having fun and enjoying myself in first place - above the environment, above culture, above helping others etc. It feels weird, but I have decided to trust that this will not make me an inconsiderate monster - because helping others is fun. Music and dancing and theatre and a good movie are fun. Fresh air, healthy, wholesome food, sunshine, snowflakes, clean water, woods and fields and mountains and deserts and rivers and lakes and the ocean are sources of exquisite enjoyment!

And as I am embracing this concept I am finding that life gives to me abundantly, and everything I desire is given to me. I want to have fun and enjoy myself at work. Walking from the parking garage to the ER, I reflected that I have the most fun when I am mentoring new employees, when I can keep the ball rolling for my patient when it seems that it is about to grind to a halt, when caring for the critically ill patient and knowing the right things to do. And I enjoy myself most when my patients express their feeling of being in safe hands, when colleagues thank me for the shift we had together, and when doctors express confidence in my ability and judgement. And then I went on to have the most amazing work weekend, and experienced so much appreciation from both colleagues and patients, so much satisfaction at being able to serve and help and teach. 

Today, on my day off the magic continues. The day started with a dentist appointment and for the first time I was given an explanation for why they want me to come in and get my teeth cleaned twice a year. Apparently I have peridontitis. However my teeth turned out to be in pretty good shape in spite of my having delayed the appointment by 4 months. On my way back to the parking garage I realized that I had forgotten ot pick up a free parking ticket. The fine is $100 - yet when I got there, I found no yellow fine notice under my windshield wipers. It is as if I were leading a charmed existence. 

People talk about bliss, about the world being magical. I never understood what they meant. I never thought it was for me to experience. Yet now I am. Suddenly the world seems magical, and exciting adventure I can't wait to begin. I feel that I am living in a state of joy, knowing that life is blissfully beautiful!

Not everyone feels the same however. As I was leaving work on Sunday, I had forgotten to bring and empty gurney down to where they are cleaned and was apologizing to the service staff, when a nurse from the neighboring observation unit came with a gurney. 
I said: "Oh, maybe this is the one I forgot".
To which she replied:"I wouldn't bring down a gurney from the ER!"
"Oh", I said, "I do it all the time. If I'm bringing down a gurney, and there are others standing there, or if I'm passing one that's ready to go and I have the time, I take it down, whether it's from the ER or the observation unit. It's all about helping each other to get the job done, isn't it?"
Well she got so mad. She sent me away from her. The conversation was making her too uncomfortable. Perhaps when she thinks about it, she will see that I wasn't so much criticizing as demonstrating an alternative attitude.