When
I was little we were a typical middle class family. My father was a
food chemist for a large dairy products company, my mother was a
stay-at-home mom until I was in second grade. We weren't rich, but
money wasn't an issue either. We lived in Chicago and father commuted
to work by train. I remember when we got our first car: a VW bus. We
were going to leave Chicago and move to California and spend 2 weeks
driving there camping along the way. They took out one of the seats
so that we 3 kids could sleep on the floor of the bus, while our
parents slept on cots outside. My parents would start driving again
in the early morning while we were still asleep and then stop at a
diner for breakfast. We lived in California for one year before
moving back east – again taking 2 weeks and visiting several
national parks along the way. We always had dogs and cats, but after
we moved to a suburb of New York City on the New York/New Jersey
border when I was 9, we had a huge vegetable garden and Father kept
bees, rabbits and chickens.
When
my father was laid off from his job as a food chemist when I was
about 12, things changed. My parents had never believed in giving an
allowance. They gave us what we needed, and we were expected to
contribute to the family. Any extras had to come from our jobs
outside the home. From that time on, money was very tight. There was
a period where my babysitting money went into the family cash box and
any luxuries like trips to the movies, or the Dairy Queen for ice
cream came out of that. At times there was so little money that we
kids paid for our parents.
When
my baby brother was born, my mother lost her job as a kindergarten
teacher. My parents took over the running of the community farm, and
Father drove school bus on the side. My parents also took in foster
children since my mother was at home anyway, partly for company for
my baby brother, partly for extra money. Another source of income was
renting out one of the rooms in the house, or all of them when there
was a conference. I remember we used to sleep in the barn with the
cows in winter and in summer in the hay loft during these conferences
and at least for me, I found it exciting and fun. I was excited when
we moved to the farm. When I was little, in Chicago, we used to go on
vacation to a farm every summer. And I had always longed to live on a
farm.
All
of us worked at odd jobs in the community from the time we were about
12. My sister and I did babysitting and house cleaning, our brother
did babysitting and yard work. We kids were all expected to pitch in
on the farm. I baked all the bread, as well as helping with the
milking and taking care of the goats. I have great memories of
haying: driving the old John Deer, so old it had to be started with a
flywheel, standing on the hay wagon catching the bales and stacking
them. Mother bringing freshly baked scones up to the fields. Because
of the farm we always ate well. Mother grew vegetables and we picked
wild raspberries and blackberries, as well as apples, peaches,
cherries and strawberries from abandoned orchards or “pick
yourself” farms. Canning was a family activity where Father would
read to us while we worked. We also pressed our own cider, had honey
from own bees, eggs and meat from our chickens, rabbits and, pigs,
and milk, butter, yogurt and cottage cheese from our cows and goats.
We
never bought any clothes. Our school had a thrift shop and people
would let us sort through the clothes they were giving away, and take
what we wanted before donating the rest. I
still remember the thrill of getting on my bike and driving to the
mall to buy a new bathing suit, and then getting a box of doughnuts
on the way home to share with the rest of my family.
Though we
didn't have much money, but I didn't feel poor. Culture
was an important value for my parents, and they somehow managed a
subscription to the Shakespeare Festival in Stratford Connecticut
every summer and we kids took turns going with them. In my senior
year, knowing that they would soon be moving further away from the
city they subscribed to the NYC opera and again we took turns going
with them. When I wanted to take guitar lessons I paid for them with
bread and produce from the farm. When we couldn't afford family
vacations anymore, I used to spend a week visiting my Grandma in
Pennsylvania in the summer, as well as going to church youth camps
and participating in activities of the local youth group.
I
don't remember this as a time of hardship. I have always believed
that not having a lot of money taught me to be thrifty, and to be
conscious of my true values, since I was never in a position to spend
money indiscriminately, and I learned to budget. I learned that the
secret to not feeling poor is to make my needs fit my means.
Looking
back I can see that I have adopted many of my parent's values, such
as family, traveling, cultural experiences, closeness to nature,
living off the land, and education. Enabling me to have a Waldorf
School education drove many of my parents life decisions, and I too
made that a priority for my own children. I also always saved money
so that we could visit family in America, at least every 4 years -
much as my parents did by taking us to Germany where my mother's
parents and sister lived. Like my parents I have always grown at
least some of my own vegetables and raised chickens. For 6 years I
even had my own farm. I still try to eat local and organic food as
much as possible, keep a variety of pets and prefer to live in a
rural environment.
After
leaving home at 18, I
continued to basically live a hand to mouth existence for the next 20
years. I had a number of minimum wage jobs in the fast food market,
and even experienced being homeless and living under a bridge for 2
weeks. But I had a dog and eventually found a rewarding job working
on a dairy goat farm in exchange for housing. At 20 I went to Europe
with $200 in travelers checks to studying in Vienna. Somehow I
survived, between house-cleaning and babysitting jobs, a small
allowance from my parents and grandma, and an open no strings
attached loan from a friend. I managed to explore Europe by
hitch-hiking to Switzerland, Greece and Norway where I spent the
summers working on a farm for room and board and a little pocket
money. In Vienna, I frequently took advantage of the availability of
cheap standing room tickets at the opera, the theater and at
concerts. However I discovered that no matter how beautiful, how
historically and culturally rich, city life was not for me, and at 22
I left Vienna to go to Norway and try my hand at farming.
I
had become engaged to a Norwegian during my second summer there and
together we bought a small farm just north of the arctic circle.
During the 6 years of farming we never made any money, but had the
pleasure and satisfaction of living off the land in an exciting
climate and geographic location. The 80's were a hard time for
farming. Many of the subsidies of the 70's were discontinued and the
milk quota system was introduced. Farmers who were unable to make a
decent living farming anymore, could not give it up because their
debt was greater than what the farm was worth. My husband and I
agreed on one thing. Never to have more debt than that one of us
could be a stay at home parent. And so, we were able to sell the farm
when we decided to give up farming. For the next few years until our
divorce, with the help of careful budgeting, we spent a year in
England and then another in the US, before moving back to Norway,
while living on the proceeds from the sale and then on his meager
teacher's salary.
I
was 35 when we divorced and I found myself a single mother of 4
children aged 3 to 8 years of age. My income was about 2/3 government
support and 1/3 child support from my ex. Like my parents I had a
vegetable garden, berry bushes and chickens and I sold eggs at the
children's school. Above all I wanted my children to go to a Waldorf
School, and I was granted a substantial scholarship. Still each month
I had to decide which bills I could pay in full, which I could only
pay in 2-3 month installments and which had to be postponed and I
would make phone calls to make the arrangements. I belonged to a food
coop and saved the percentage that they give you back at the end of
the year so that I could take the kids to visit their American
relatives, which we managed every 4 years or so.
No matter how
carefully I budgeted, I was still running at a loss and I still
remember once having been recommended to have the social welfare
office look over my financial situation in case I was qualified for
social welfare aid. I sent in the detailed application and was told
that according to their calculations I was probably losing about NOK
6000 pr year. In fact I was losing only NOK 2000 pr year. They also
said that to qualify for welfare I could not have a car and my
children could not be in kindergarten. Their calculations did include
a TV license, which was several thousand NOK pr year as well as
clothes. Also any money I made selling eggs for example would have to
be reported so that they could deduct it from the welfare check. So
basically they were saying that to get welfare I would have to live
in poverty, without the means to get an education (car, child-care)
and without the opportunity to augment my already minimal income. So
I declined aid from welfare, cancelled my life insurance, thereby
reducing my expenses and decided that I wanted to choose what to
spend my money on. Like my parents, I never had a clothes budget. The
children wore hand-me-downs donated by neighbors and parents at the
school. And I neither had nor wanted a TV. I did however need a car
and child-care so that I could go to college and get my nursing
degree, and then get a job and start supporting myself.
The
combination of having a proper profession and sharing living expenses
with my second husband gave me my first taste of financial freedom.
For the first time in my life I experienced the joys of travel that
wasn't combined with family visits, the pleasure of spa treatments,
eating out, being able to afford organic foods. After my separation
from my second husband it has been difficult to adjust to having less
money. My credit card debt keeps creeping up, and I have had to
borrow a substantial amount of money from one of my sons. I can't
seem to go back to turning each penny. I have this feeling that it
shouldn't be necessary. As a nurse specialist I get paid quite well
after all. I think really it is mostly a question of figuring out
what are my most important values and putting my money there.
Right
now, I feel the lack of time more acutely than the lack of money. I
still want to support organic agriculture as much as possible. I want
to be able to travel frequently. To live in a rural setting with a
garden, and pets. I want to get out of Norway in the winter – it is
just too dark and cold for me – and to this end I sold my home in
Norway and bought a home on the Greek island of Crete. So that is
where I am now. I am getting by, certainly not living from hand to
mouth, yet not experiencing the financial freedom that I would like.