Indian Summer

Indian summer i over. For 3 weeks the days were mild, sunny and golden as the leaves gradually turned to yellows and reds. The blueberries ripened in the garden as did the apples and plums. The purple clematis finally opened it's buds and started flowering. Over the last two days it has gotten cold with rime on the grass in the mornings. It's time to dig up the carrots and red beets. I find myself humming Michaelmas songs during my morning walk with the dogs. Soon I will have to put a reflex jacket on Lucy so that I can see her in the dark of the morning. With the frost the realization flooded over med 8 MORE MONTHS before it is spring again! How will I be able to survive? It feels like forever. It feels like a sentence. One thing is sure, as soon as the house is paid off (in about 10 years), I will no longer stay in Norway for the winter. I'm sure I will again be able to enjoy the fall when I can look forward to going somewhere warm in November.

When I started work again 2 weeks ago, I was met with many kind questions regarding my loss. I guess my colleagues preferred to express their sentiments in person. The first weekend after coming home was difficult. I think the kind words and even a few hugs (from Norwegians, imagine!) helped to make things easier. It only comes in flashes now and then - the loss, the realization that he won't answer when I call, won't be there when I visit, won't be needing a christmas or birthday present...

Today was the last day at school. I have in these past weeks attended lectures on surgery and anesthesia to patients under special circumstances, a theme day on organ harvesting and transplantation, another on legal, practical and ethical aspects of medical tecknology, a 2 day ethics seminar, as well completing a research project and a project on anesthesia care of the elderly. On Monday starts the second period of student anesthesia practice: 10 weeks this time, in Elverum which has specialties in orthopedic, obstetric, gynecologic, ENT (ear nose throat) and eye surgery. Also coming up is a theme day on trauma care, and a day or teaching practice (we teach the bachelor students first aid). In November we have a multiple choice test in anesthesiology and in december, a week long home exam in anesthesia nursing. So if I do not update until christmas is because I am way too busy!

Before I sign off: Irene is coming home from England tomorrow! She is spending a week with us, before going to Oslo to resume her pastry chef training at a prestigious bakery, right around the corner from the Norwegian Parliament building. http://www.halvorsensconditori.no/ I wish her lots of luck!!!

Back in Norway and college

I've been back at college for a week. A few people asked how things went with Father, and I told them. Other than that, Norwegians seem to be incredibly reticent about mentioning anything to do with Father's death. Not that they know him, but it's been no secret that I have lost my father. I think the only reason my student colleagues asked is because they didn't know that he had died. None of my work colleagues have breathed a word, although 32 of them are on facebook. Well, I haven't been to work yet since I got back. Someone might say something.

The short and long of it is though that I feel kind of invisible. As soon as my mind is at rest it goes to Father and Mother, to our family that doesn't exist any more as we knew it. I miss them. I miss Mother, Roland and Sharon, and Ilian, and Adam and his family and "the boys" (Beren and Tormod).

Still, for the most part I have been keeping busy this week: a theme day on organ harvesting and transplant surgery on monday, classes on anesthesia on tuesday and wednesday. I am 2 weeks behind the rest of the class with a research project. I was hoping I wouldn't have to do it - but no such luck. Though I do get to do a shortened version and I get more time. Still I have been slaving over research since thursday and all weekend.

We visited my in-laws this weekend. Stayed with my brother-in-law and family. Much more relaxing than previous visits where we have stayed with Husband's parents. The children are wonderful: Cathrine, age 13 and Christian, age 6. Jan Kåre and Marie have done a good job with them. I think the same thing when I see Adam's children: Hanna, 16 and Ben, 12. Great kids. Why was it such a struggle for me? Because I had 4, not 2? Because I had them so close together? Maybe. I think though that the real reason is that in both these families the parents cooperate very well with each other, while in my case, my ex and I never worked well together. Then when we came apart I was overwhelmed and he was unsupportive; and it was the children who suffered.

The weeks after...

We stayed with mother for a time after the funeral: Roland and Sharon, Ilian and me. It's too bad Adam couldn't be there. As for Ilian, Roland and me, this is the first time we have all lived under one roof for a week or more... It was nice. We went for walks, blueberry picking, and chorus rehearsal with mother. Helped with cooking, laundry, freezing vegetables and getting her papers and finances in order.

For a few days we were all together. After Sharon left the rest of us slowly began to pick up the threads of normal life. I started working on the research project for college, Ilian started working on preparation for a workshop she is giving, and Roland went back to work in Ithaca.

Before Ilian left we burried Father's ashes at the natural cemetery. Roland had designed the stone. The cemetery people had prepared the site: dug a hole and framed it with greens, covered the pile of earth with greens and flowers. Ilian lined the hole with a white silk tibetan skarf, then laid the bag of ashes in the hole and covered it. Mother and I shovelled in the earth, before Tormod and Beren laid the stone on top. Finally we laid the greens and flowers around the stone. When all was done, Mother read "I am the resurection and the life..." from the Gospel of John. We sang the song from the funeral party: "we plow the fields and skatter..." and ended with the lords prayer.

The next day I drove Ilian to Rochester from where she flew back to California. And 2 days later I flew back to Norway.