My thinking spot

This is the path that leads to my thinking spot

These stones are the ruins of a viking age fort near the edge of the lake.

This is the stone on which I sit listening to the wind in the trees and the waves lapping on the shore.

And here is the view from my thinking spot.

There's a place I like to go when I need to get some perspective on things that are bothering me. It can be things like not feeling appreciated at work, or feeling torn between the needs of different family members at home. When I sit on my rock overlooking the lake, in one direction all I see is dark forests - I can almost believe that a thousand years have fallen away, and imagine a viking ship coming out from behind the point of land. In another direction the fields of ripe grain reach down almost to the shore, different shades of brown for wheat, barley and oats. Then I close my eyes and just listen to wind in the trees, the sounds of birds, of the dogs splashing in the water and the waves lapping on the stones. It's funny how the sound of water eases the mind. When my mind is in turmoil I look for an opportunity to go to my thinking spot at the lake. There I am able to sort out my feelings, and find positive solutions, at least a positive way to deal with whatever situation brought me here.

For example I have been feeling unappreciated at work. It affects my motivation. I am all tied in knots about it. My time at the lake brought the following insights:

• I will not allow lack of appreciation to influence my commitment to my patients. My primary concern will be excellent patient care and my secondary concern will be to participate in the smooth running of the unit.
• I should not allow the lack of acknowledgement of the value of my skills keep me from constantly working to improve them. Too long I have allowed the fear that the past year and a half were wasted keep me from studying to improve my knowledge. No more!
• This situation of not being appreciated, of my qualifications not being acknowledged is making it easier to let go of my current position, and the safety it represents (steady job, secure future) and keep applying for jobs in other places. I am looking at nurse-anesthetist jobs anywhere in Norway, and intensive care jobs at local hospitals. I have registered with the labor department and with 4 temp agencies. It also makes it easier to start considering a move to america, even if I'm not qualified to work as a nurse anesthetist there.

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I had a job interview last week. They asked 2 standard questions

1. How would you describe yourself?
2. How do you think your co-workers would describe you?

Here are my reflections on these subjects:

1. How would I describe myself?

I talk alot. Some say I talk too much. On the other hand I believe in the importance of communication with patients and their family members. It is something I am constantly working on. So yes, I talk alot, but I try to make that an asset.

Also, if I hear that someone has a problem with me or a complaint, I will go to that person to clear things up. Same if I'm the one with the complaint. I don't like to let things fester and just bitch to everyone else. So people know where they have me.

I may seem unsociable, because I bury my nose in a book or sit at the computer when business is slow, rather than hang out in the common room shooting the breeze. The thing is, I give so much of myself to my patients and to the job, that when I have some free time, lunch break or whatever, I need time to myself to recharge.

I enjoy working independently. On the other hand I enjoy working in a team where the individual responsibilities are clearly defined. Thus I work very well with doctors, nurses aides, housekeeping staff. The problem arrises when I have to work in a team with nurses who have a different level of commitment, or where my area of responsibility is unclear.

2. How would my colleagues describe me?

I have been told that I am capable and thorough. What I want them to think of me is this: I want them to find it easy to ask me for help. I also want them to think that when they take over one of my patients everything is well taken care of. If I write a report it should be complete. When I leave a room, it should be ready for a new patient (I sometimes fail in this - so there is room for improvement here). I want people to think of me: "when she does something, she does it properly".

I've also been thinking about the differences between being a nurse in the US as opposed to Norway. Each place has it's pros and cons:

In the US you are expected to have a higher level of medical knowledge and assessment skills. Your work is noticed more by your superiors, and good work is appreciated . There is a strong emphasis on customer service and continuing education.

The cons are living in constant fear that a mistake can cost you your licence, and the constant evaluations can get in the way of going about your business of taking care of patients. Also having no more than 2 weeks of vacation, work every other weekend and a 40 hr work week would burn me out in the long run.

On the other hand, in Norway you can work much more independently as a nurse, in other words you can use your knowledge and skills more independently and that is extremely satisfying. Also the work situation is better with longer vacations (5 weeks), less weekend work (every 3rd or 4th) and a shorter work week (35,5 hrs).

The cons are that no one gives a sh*t whether you do a good job, as long as you don't get any major complaints, and further education is not a priority, except for the bare essentials required by law.