Hairdresser and Dentist

We have 3 cats: Puseline, Piril and Funky. Today I loaded them into the car and took them to a vet an hour away: 

Funky

Funky, is the only boy and the youngest, now 9 years old. He has a beautiful long soft coat and his ears are slightly tattered from defending his territory against neighboring tomcats. He is without doubt our most high maintenance cat, his fights tend to take him to the vet a couple times a year.  As a result he hates his crate and he hates car rides. 

Piril

Piril is Funky's sister from a different litter. She is 10 years old so affectionate. She especially loves to lie by your head at night, where she snores loudly. She also likes to bring presents in the form of dead mice etc. When the cats were to the vet for vaccinations this spring we were told that her teeth badly needed looking after. In fact all their teeth needed dental care. 

Puseline

Puseline is Funky and Pirils mother, and is 11 years old. She is 25% persian, but her coat isn't as soft as Funky's and tends to get badly matted. It doesn't help that she goes "on vacation" dissapearing for weeks and months at a time during the summer and early autumn. 

Puseline ready for the summer!

Once before we had a vet clipp off the matted hair. It cost Kr 800, because it has to be done in general anesthesia, but because they only shaved where the fur was matted she looked like she had been chewed up and spit back out! This time we had read in the paper about a vet in Fredrikstad who, when clipping matted fur, tries to make the cat look nice at the same time. So this is where we went to get all the cats teeth looked after, and the long haired cats coats as well. Puseline got a poodle clip, while Funky got by with only a thorough brushing. The total bill was nearly 6000 Kr (or $1000). Included was their special brush so that maybe we can avvoid further hairdresser appointments in the future. Plus this is the first time we have done their teeth in their lifetimes. I doubt they will still be around in another 10 years!

Agility Trial at Grorud

This is one of the larger agility trials, as it is a Norwegian Kennel Club trial and thus gives an oportunity for points toward "Championat". Lucy, unfortunatly isn't eligible as she doesn't have a pedigree, but we aren't anywhere near that good anyway. 

It was a 2 day trial. On Day 1 I learned a valuable lesson. I had been feeling some temptation to be less careful about preparing Lucy in every way: walks for exercise, walks around the ring and the tents to get used to the environment, games of control, games of contact, games of exitement. Hose her down with water if it is hot... Lucy has seemed so much more secure at these events that I was tempted to cut back. In our second run I was almost too late for the walk through - when it was announced I was  at the near end of the venue where we had our crate between some tents, while the ring was at the far end, so I missed about a minute of the walkthrough. The jump course was quite complicated and I stood watching the first contestants trying to make sure I had the course memorized when the ring sekretary called may name saying: there are before you're up. I had nr 349 so had thought that there would be 48 before me, apparently though they started at 340. I had to run back to our crate, grab the dog and run back as fast as I could. Lucy must have thought that I was in some sort of grave danger. First chance she got she attacked the closest dog. I pulled her off, and we had 30 seconds until it was our turn. For the first few jumps Lucy kept running to the edge of the ring looking wildly around for the danger. She returned when I called but it cost us time and gave us two "refusals". Still we got through the whole course and placed # 20. Though Lucy followed me through the course she was still jumpy afterwards. I learned 3 things: 

1. I am able to learn a complicated course and remember it under stress. A big improvement from last year.
2. Lucy is able to return her focus to me in spite of the circumstances.
3. It was brought home to me how incredibly important our preparations actually are.

Below is a video of the jumpers run. It was a good run, unfortunatly my handling left something to be desired and I inadvertently led Lucy to jump back over a jump where she should have turned 180 degrees and gone around it. My fault entirely as can be seen by watching the video. We were disqualified as a result.

Day 2 I decided to learn from the mistakes of Day 1. After the agility run, I moved our crate to the area of the jump ring. I also checked the start order to make sure we weren't surprised again. I was conscientious with all our preparations and it all paid off. We finished #4, with a clean run and less than a second time penalty. Below Lucy is holding her prize: a nice rawhide bone. 

Spring Flood

The pond where I walk the dog. 

After the warm weather of the weekend, on the day of my birthday, all the floodgates of heaven opened and it poured down so that all rivers and lakes all over southeastern Norway flooded. Roads and railroad lines were washed out and the main highway through Norway, the E6 was closed in several places due to flooding. Trondheim and Oslo were effectively cut off from each other except by air. 

Here the local newspaper published pictures of local flooding which I have borrowed below: 

The Hobøl river overflowed its banks flooding newly sown fields.

Bad news for the Spydeberg Rock Festival.

Planting the garden

After the hot and sunny weekend the forecast was for rain. Monday was humid and overcast, and though it was a holiday garden centers are open, so I went to buy plants. And I wasn't the only one with that idea. The parking lot was packed and people were parked along the side of the road.  Anyway, I got my veggie plants and went home and planted them. Sure enough it started raining the same night and has been coming down since. There are a lot of floods in the area, but since we are situated on a hilltop and my beds are these boxes there is no danger of the plants drowning. 

Above I have planted 12 strawberry plants and am giving them a good soak since I am unsure how long it will be before the rain comes.

I had planted turnips and sugar peas from seed a couple of weeks ago. The turnips are on the left, the sugar peas just barely germinating on the right. In between I have planted 10 Kale plants. I plan to use the young leaves so that they won't get a chance to overshadow the other vegetables.

Three zucchini plants and 2 aspargus. It'll be a few years before we can pick any aspargus, but hopefully this year I didn't plant too many zucchini plants. Last year we were drowning in zucchini. We had zucchini for dinner every single day for 3 months! 

Stress Management - Body & Mind

"When we truly learn to manage our stress, it becomes the spice of life and a catalyst for self-improvement, rather than a cause of burnout and despair."

This quote is from the foreward of a booklet called "Stress, Depression & Insomnia" which came into my hands - it was included as a freebie in an iHerb package - the day after I had been to the doctor.

Stress management has to happen on 2 levels: the level of the body and the level of the mind.

On the level of the body it involves practical lifestyle adjustments such as eliminating caffeine, eating healthy and getting enough sleep, sunshine, and exercise.

Now I have been cutting back on coffee for a while, but was still having a cup before every shift. Since May 13th I haven't had any except on the occasional special occasion (such as when we went to LA DOLCE VITA, my favorite italian coffee and ice cream bar in Oslo on May 17th).

Getting enough sleep is a problem when I'm working several days in a row. I really need to average 8 hours per night to be truly rested, however I  only come home from an evening shift around midnight, so it's usually 12:30 before I hit the sack, and my inner clock doesn't seem to want to allow me to sleep past 7:30 am. When I have a day shift I have to get up at 5 am, and just lack the discipline to get to bed on time the night before. Bah!

If the sun is shining while I am walking the dog,  I'll find a rock or a log and sit reading or meditating while allowing the sun to shine on my face for 20 minutes.

From what I have read, the things to keep in mind regarding diet and stress are:

•  regulating blood sugar levels
• flooding the body with anti-oxidants, enzymes, vitamins and minerals
• drinking enough water, about 2 liters daily.

I do this by avoiding refined carbohydrates, added sugars (and additives in general while I'm at it). To flood my body with nutrients I  have a  fresh pressed fruit or veggie juice, a green smoothie, a salad and a bowl of "pulp soup" (made from the pulp leftover from juicing) every day. To get enough water I bought a PBA-free camelback water bottle, and try to drink 3 of these daily. I am also currently doing a 3-day reboot (ie juice only fast). More on that later.

For exercise I am concentrating on Yoga, because it combines exercise with deep breathing and relaxation. I have found a great yoga resource: www.myyogaonline.com. It is a great way to get introduced to different instructors and styles of yoga. I find that what works best for me is Hatha Yoga, and Hatha Vinyasa Yoga. Other styles like Kundalini Yoga are too energetic, while Yin Yoga is too static for my taste.

On the level of the mind, stress reduction includes asking positive questions, forming affirmations, goal setting, time management, laughter, deep breathing (yoga),  relaxation (yoga), meditation and mindfullness.

Positive questions I am asking myself are:
What am I most happy about in my life? Why does that make me happy?
What am I most excited about in my life right now?
What am I grateful for in my life right right now?
What am I enjoying most in my life right now? What about that do I enjoy?
What am I committed too in my life right now? why am I committed to that?
What can I do today to further my long term goals?

These questions lead to goal-setting (I plan to write a separate post on goal setting)  which in their turn will form the basis for my affirmations.  A tip I was given was to use affirmations for my windows, ipad and work passwords, because the act of writing works deeper into the subconscious, than reading. Also, being passwords I will be forced to use the affirmation regularly.

Time management involves planning my day. Also I need to stop procrastinating, and even if I am running late, to stop hurrying.  What is past is past. It won't be changed by getting all stressed out. As my youngest daughter would say, I need to learn to "go with the flow".

Mindfulness is a new practice for me and my source of inspiration is Eckhart Tolle's book: "The Power of Now" .  I have been practicing anthroposophical meditation for several years, but recently a new source of inspiration is a website/blog called "School of the Modern Mystic". Mindfulness and meditation together with yoga practice are the backbone of my stress management program.

Tur-O May 20

Next week the pool where I go swimming, and that has been closed for 4 weeks will reopen, so I am glad we got the last of the spring score-O's out of the way this week. 

Lucy ran with me as usual. I let har run off leash between the second and 8th controll (there are 10) and she was very good, coming imediatly when I called her name and making contact on her own as well. I had a pocket full of treats to reinforce this good behavior. It makes it so much easier not to have to worry about her getting caught on the wrong side of the trees and bushes, or going over rough ground on leash. 

The moss on the forest floor was and intense green, and I found the first violets.

Violets

Romerike Agility Trial

I spent this weekend at a 2 day agility trial 1 1/2 hours drive north of where we live. The weather was hot and sunny, always a challenge for Lucy and I have lost count of all the times I hosed her down with water to keep her lively. We set up my stool and pack and her crate in the shade of a tent. Most agility people set up a tent along the perimeter of the courses so there was plenty to choose from. 

Sunday's agility course

We ran 2 agility courses and 2 jumpers courses. Lucy started out with a 10th place in agility for which she got a prize, after which her placement gradually deteriorated  with an 11th place in the jumpers on Saturday, and on Sunday, 14th place in Agility and 25th in the Jumpers course.  It is interesting that she is placing better in Agility than in Jumpers courses this year. I think the reason is that we don't have as many faults and disqualifications. I am finding it easier to memorize the course and so have more continual focus on Lucy. The jumpers courses are generally faster and so though Lucy's precision is much improved since last year, her lack of enthusiasm is showing.  

Lucy with her prize

As usual it is not hard to pin-point where I am the cause of her slowness. She ran a perfect course on Saturday's jumpers but oh so slowly. Like sirup through the weavepoles and taking her time trotting through the tunnels. I have been told that I need to show more enthusiasm myself and fire up my dog more with my voice. I tried it on Sunday,and sure enough, in this film from the jumpers course she shows much better speed and enthusiasm. 

It was the weave poles that got us. In Moss she had shown problems finding entries. This we have practiced, and she showed no difficulty there. Now the problem is staying in the poles to the bitter end. So that is what we must go home and practice now. 

To be Proactive

As I mentioned last week I am currently on sick leave due to stress and burnout. But just sitting at home waiting for time to take it's course doesn't seem enough for me. I want to be proactive in managing my stress levels.

In "The 7 Habits of Highly Developed People" Stephen Covey says: "It is the ability for self awareness, by reflecting on his thought processes, emotions and motivations that sets the human being apart from other animals."

At first glance my actions, feelings, thoughts and life situation seem to be determined by outside forces such as my genetic makeup (though it turns out you actually have a lot of control over how your genetic makeup affects your life), childhood experiences, spouse, job, financial situation, health, age, gender,  weather, society I live in etc. But are these truly DETERMINING forces, or are they rather INFLUENCES which I can transcend to create my own reality?

Basically, if it belongs to the past, it may be something that concerns me, but it is out of my sphere of influence, i.e. there's nothing I can do about it. The only place where I have influence is in the present.

While I am free to choose my action, I am not free to choose the consequences of my action. The consequences are outside my sphere of influence. I woke up one morning recently with an intense feeling of regret. Regret for actions in my childhood and youth that my conscience condemns. Maybe I had dreamed of them. And though I try in my present life to make amends, by living according to principles in which such actions can have no part, it feels like nothing can truly undo the past. It is sometimes hard to believe that I am the same individual who did these things, yet when I think of them, I fear that I must be deeply flawed as a human being. Never the less, I need to realize that I can't recall them, I can't undo them, and I can't change the effect (consequences) they have had on my character. The proactive approach to a (past) mistake is to acknowledge it, correct it and learn from it. Not to admit and correct a mistake leads to self-justification, self-deception and rationalization - lying to myself as well as others.

Between what happens to me, what will happen, what has ever happened, as well as what I have caused to happen in the past - and how I react to these lie four specifically human endowments:

1. Self awareness (O Man, know thou thyself!): the ability to observe my thought processes and emotional reactions.
2. Imagination: the ability to imagine the suffering (and pleasure) of others, as well as the ability to imagine a goal or a desired outcome.
3. Conscience or integrity
4. The ability to choose my response.

"BY YOUR CHOICE YOU SHALL BE KNOWN".
Proactivity means that I am responsible for my own life.
My behavior is the function of my DECISIONS, not my conditions.
Respons-ability = the ability to choose my response.

When my actions are determined by my (hormone-induced) moods, by the weather, by the way people treat me (husband, neighbors, children, patients, co-workers,etc), I am re-active. When I am pro-active, though I can still be influenced by my environment, my response will be based on values - carefully thought about, consciously selected and internalized. Taking the initiative means to make good things happen, to do whatever is necessary,  consistent with correct principles.

For example I feel that I need more time at home, in order to be able to function at work. This may lead to reducing my hours. This again could lead to a changed financial situation, especially if the reduced hours were to become permanent. Are correct principles guiding my actions here? I believe (hope) that my actions are guided by conscientiousness toward my employer in that I am withdrawing, temporarily from a work situation which I no longer master;  as well as responsibility to my self for my own health and well-being by taking this time to focus on finding out what is going on in my life that has lead me to this experience of burnout.

On the other hand,  I feel vaguely selfish, perhaps lazy, for taking sick leave. My symptoms are so vague, so diffuse, I only know that I couldn't face any more patients, and I hated feeling that I wasn't up to the quality of work that I am getting paid for and expect of myself. Still I worry that I may be just making excuses for myself to justify 3 weeks extra paid "vacation".

There seem to be three central areas of proactivity: 

• what happens to me
• what I create
• how I respond to difficult circumstances.

A lot of what's happening to me - hot flashes, tiredness, lack of concentration, lack of joy, emotional roller-coaster - is probably related to menopause. My response to the present difficult situation is to research lifestyle modifications  to ease the symptoms of menopause. But let one thing be clear:  I WILL NOT TAKE HRT!
What I came up with was getting enough sleep, getting enough sunshine, enough exercise, drinking enough water, including phytoestrogens from flaxseed, soy and other pulses in my diet, weight control, and stress management (more on this later)

I AM THE SOURCE OF MY OWN REALITY!
I am responsible for my own effectiveness, my own happiness, and most of my circumstances:

17 May in Oslo

Back in 1989 when I was pregnant with Irene, and Ingvild wasn't even a twinkle in her mother's eye, the children's father and I took the boys, then 3 and 1 1/2 years old to experience Constitution Day in Oslo. Since Husband had never been to the Capitol for May 17th we decided to go this year. 

The early train that we took from Ski was already filled to the brim with people in bunad (national costume) or their Sunday best, on their way to the city. One couple carried a basket containing a bottle of champagne, glasses, a table cloth and napkins. I assume they were planning to picnic in the park after the parade.

Karl Johann, the pedestrian street, and main shopping thoroughfare that leads up to the royal palace, was decorated with flags on both sides all the way up. Walking up this street, before long we came upon the police corps band marching up and playing my favorite Sousa marches. Right then my day was made, and the trip to the city made worthwhile!

When they had finished playing they marched up toward the palace, preceeded by the 3 horses. The middle horse practically danced in time to the music and the drumming. It was fantastic to see!  

Along the way we passed...

A clown making balloon animals

People swimming in a fountain

Red Cross volunteers ready to help in an emergency.

A gypsy band, playing lively dance music.

Finally we found a place along the railing from which to watch the parade:

The police corps band marching up to the palace.

A wagon containing musicians playing for a folk dancing troupe.

Folk dancers

His Majesties Guard.

The childrens parade comming up Karl Johann. (photo from www.vg.no)

 It was amazing to see the approaching children's parade approaching, like a mist of red white and blue as far as the eye could see, punctuated with the banners that preceeded each school and marching band. Almost every school had a band and the city was filled with music. We stayed and watched for about 45 minutes (the whole parade lasts for 3 hours) then began wandering back toward the train station. We met the parade again in several places, always with music. On the way we stopped at Oslo's best italian ice cream place, run by Italians, for coffee and tiramisu.

Royal Family: Crown Princess Mette Marit, Princess Ingrid Alexandra, Crown Prince Håkon,  Prince Sverre Magnus, Queen Sonja and King Harald waving to the crowd from the balcony of the royal palace. (Foto from www.vg.no)

 We could see the royal family on the balcony, though so far away, that all we really saw was 2 black figures (the King and Crown Prince), a red hat (the queen) and a light grey figure (the Crown Princess). The royal family has stood on the balcony to wave to the passing children every year (with very few exceptions) since 1906 when the first king was brought to the newly independent Kingdom of Norway from Denmark. Below I link to a video report of the whole parade. 

http://live.tv2.no/nyheter/17mai/#

Tur-O May 14

Our 4th score-O was in the forest behind this riding center. As usual I ran with Lucy. We started by running up the riding path, where I let Lucy jump over the hurdles that were built for the horses.

Riding center

Lucy at the first control

Lucy at the first control

Lucy at the second control

Spring has properly sprung now: tiny leaves are budding on the trees and blue anemones are blooming, as well as windflowers and coltsfoot.

Blue anemone

Burn Out

Lately when people ask me how I am, I haven't known what to answer. I haven't been quite "right", but I haven't been able to put into words what the problem is either. Then today, as I was sitting in the doctor's office, necessity forced me to finally articulate the problem. 

For the past month or so, since Easter really, I seem to have lost the joy in my work. I find myself procrastinating when it is time to go to work until I am in a terrible stress not to be late. I find myself counting down the hours until I can go home from the time I arrive. This just isn't me, as I know myself. I love my job, I love the sense of competence, I love having the opportunity to bring some compassion into the lives of others, and I love to teach. But no more. And it has been gradually getting worse: I am feeling less competent, that I can barely keep afloat in the face of critical illness or trauma. My concentration is suffering. I dread the meetings with patients, feeling that though I am still able to give 100%, each meeting drains me more. Sometimes I feel desperate for the shift to end. And the exhaustion after a period of work lasts longer, before my energy for working out, gardening, training Lucy - all the things that are important in my life and for my health - comes back. 

And the hot flashes! I've been keeping track of them, how often and when they come and am finding that they seem to be related to stress. At the moment I start getting my stuff together at home thinking: "Oh no, I'm going to be late!" a hot flash washes over me. From then and until I return home around midnight they come at least once an hour, intense, sweat pouring off my whole body. While there might only be one or two during the course of the whole morning. 

I googled burn out and found this link to Wikepedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burnout_(psychology) Expressions used such as: "emotional exhaustion and reduced sense of personal accomplishment", and "significant reductions in non-verbal memory and in auditory and visual attention" strike a chord in that they accuratly describe my experience. The doubts regarding my competency lead to feelings of unworthiness. I get paid as a critical care expert because of my anesthesia training and competence and my current state makes me feel like a fraud. I feel I am not giving my employer what they are paying for. 

Anyway, my doctor put me on 2 weeks of sick leave so as to get a chance to rest up and get some perspective. Then, in two weeks time we will discuss reduced hours as a possibility for going forward. I will also have to think over whether a shorter commute or a change in work environment would be a solution. These 2-3 that I have been given are a respite. I plan to use them well, to practice yoga and relaxation, meditate and reflect, and hopefully things will look clearer by the time I go back to work. 

Sweet the rains new fall, On the wet garden...

It is a misty morning after a good nights rain. I am walking Lucy and inspecting my garden. There is a scent of wood smoke in the air from the cottage chimney. Piril is also hanging around, testing the uncovered boxes for their toilet capabilities. 

Piril in the garden 

Yesterday, in the nick of time so to speak I planted 2 of the boxes. In the nearer one salad vegetables: lettuce, arugola, spinach, chard, radishes and spring onion. In the further box 3 rows of carrots alternating with 3 rows of red onions. I always companion plant onions and carrots as they keep the keep the pests off each other. Onions repel the carrot fly, while carrots repel the onion fly!

Last day carting compost

When we went to bed last night the Farmer was spreading manure on the big field at the edge of which are the piles of manure where I get my compost. This morning when I looked outside I discovered a plow parked in the field, and I knew that if I wanted to finish filling my planting boxes, I had better hurry. So at 8 am I took the wheelbarrow and started fetching 6 more loads of compost. Below I have shown the way I have had to take to fetch inumerable wheelbarrow loads of compost for my boxes. 

From the boxes up the slope to the driveway.

Across and down  into the field, fairly steeply until I reach the fence.

Then along the bottom of the horse pasture 

Until I reach the mounds of manure. 

The barrow is filled and then I have to retrace my steps. 

And while I worked, Lucy lay patiently chained to a tree, watching the comings and goings on the road below, and waiting for her walk. 

Tur-O, May 3

Score-O again today in fantastic weather. It is 2 weeks since we were out last, and though there weren't more flowers, the ground under the trees is definitly greener and there is hardly a trace of ice. Lucy came along as usual. 

Meeting up with husband (for the second time) at the ruins of an old smallholding.

Lucy, my O-buddy.

A tiny pond, one of the last controls.

I found the course very difficult, searching 45 minutes for #32 control before finding it. Also had some trouble with # 35. As usual I took them in the order 31 to 40, with Lucy at my belt, while Husband too,k them in reverse order. We caught up with each other just when I had finally found #32 and he only had 2 left. I must have gone up and down that felled area 3 times before I found the stone. The second time I ended up way at the top of the map on the hill overlooking some houses. After that I decided to follow the stream and thus I finally got the controll. I'd been in the right area the first time, but thought I was much further south than I actually was. 

May First Agility Trial

Lucy and me :)

This was our first trial of the year. We will be going to 2 more weekend trials in May, then break until August. 

I must be a little crazy to be doing this. I came home from my evening shift the day before at midnight. Then up at 6 am in order to leave the house at 7 am to go to the trial, bringing enough  food with me for the whole day. Since May 1 is a public holiday, all the stores are closed, and, as I feared all one could buy at the trial was waffles, hotdogs, candy and chips. I was going onto a night shift and had to go straight to bed when I got home from the trial to get a nap before work. 

Anyhow - I like to get there about 90 minutes early so that we can get set up with Lucy's crate and my chair, go for a walk so that Lucy can go to the bathroom, and also walk around the ring area so that she can get used to all the activity, strange dogs and people, and not get distracted by them when we are in the ring. 

I am only partially satisfied with the results. Our first run, the agility course, had all the challenging equipment and lots of tight turns. Lucy was on the ball, no hesitation on the collapsed tunnel, or the seesaw, not at all distracted by the activity outside the ring; however, in spite of some xtra weave pole training on friday to make sure she could do 12 poles (we've only been practicing with 6 at agility practice), she spent ages in the weave poles. There was also a little hesitation at the last tunnel. Both my fault. I didn't lead up to them properly. We placed 28th of 60 with a whole minute over the maximum time, and 2 faults. A friend filmed the run below:

By our second run, the jumpers course, Lucy was tired, I think. Or maybe it was me. In any case she sniffed between every jump, and spent a year in the weave poles - again. But I was very pleased that she stopped dead and came back to me instead of taking random jumps after  almost going off course. Also I tried leading out a bit to beyond the second hurdle and that also went well. Here we placed as # 30 of 60. With 30 seconds overtime and 2 faults. 

All in all, I see I need to get out the weave poles and train more. Especially I need to get to where Lucy will seek out the entries independantly. I think it would also be usefull to teach Lucy directionals now: forward, right, left and various tight turns. 

And what to do about the sniffing? I think I need to work on motivating Lucy more, both leading up to the race and during the race itself.