Standing at the bedroom window last night watching the fireworks I started thinking about new years resolutions.
Two things come to mind that I want to carry over from 2009 into this new year.
One is that I have reconnected with several friends from long ago – people I have had no contact with for 30 years or so. This has come about through Facebook. It is interesting to see what has been happening to old friends. To see whether there is still a connection of interest. Facebook has the potential to be a medium for contact. On the one hand it offers a window into somebody's life. On the other it offers a forum for real personal interaction. Of course it can also just be about «fake contact», meaning that although you are friended on Facebook you don't actually have anything to do with each other. So I hope to carry on last years resolution to nurture contact with friends, though I realize that it will have to be a bare minimum until school lets out in June.
Second is that after Father's death I began working with anthroposophy again. It started with me and mother reading for Father before and after the funeral. When I got home I started reading my book of Steiner lectures on Life between Death and Rebirth. Then someone told me about the website called rudolfsteineraudio.com and I began downloading lectures from that to listen to while doing housework and walking the dogs. I feel like there is a whole community of the dead with whom I can stay connected through anthroposophical reading. It used to be something that I wanted to do for myself, for my own spiritual development. However I was never motivated enough to get off the ground. A good novel is so much more interesting. I guess Father being so close has made me more aware of the other friends and relatives who have passed on in the past 15 years or so. In my imagination the spiritual world has become a populated place, where close friends and family members wait to hear from me. I want to thank Father for helping me become aware of them.
Yesterday I was saying that New years eve is the day when you grieve over mistakes and lost possibilities in the year that is past, and dread the year to come. ("gremmer deg over året som gikk og gruer deg til året som kommer"). My third new years resolution must be to regain and maintain a positive attitude. I know that my negative attitude is the result of stress, pressure and exhaustion. Healthful eating and regular exercise will contribute towards making me more resistant to the negative effects of stress, I think. I also learned the value of good planning and scheduling when I had my home exam. Sticking to my motto for my 50th birthday: «live slowly» will I think also help. I say «Living slowly» in the sense of not rushing through things, but rather enjoying in the challenges and tasks of the moment. I came to this motto when wrestling with the problem of growing older. How can I assure that when I look back on my life in 10 or 20 years I will not find it to have been all a waste. My theory is that it is not so much a question of how much did I accomplish, as how did I accomplish what I did? And so I decided to quit rushing and start dwelling in the present.
So these are then my New Years Resolutions:
to cultivate my relationships with friends and family, living and dead.
To regain and maintain a positive outlook.
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