A decision is made

It's been a pretty good week. I got a call from the ER at AHUS (Akershus University Hospital) offering me a job the same evening that I was there for the interview. On tuesday I got a call from the day surgery at AHUS with the dissapointing news that I did not get any of the 3 jobs there. Well, I'm not totally surprised. It's hard to find someone less experienced than me. So now I have said no the the offer of an anesthesia position in Bergen, and have handed in my resignation from the ER in Hamar.

How does it feel?
On the one hand relief that the search is over (for now). I look forward to the ER job at AHUS. It is a larger, more comprehensive hospital. I feel that they have shown great eagerness to have me come to work there and agreed immediatly to my request to be paid as a nurse anesthetist. I can start concentrating on how I can make best use of my nurse anesthestist competency in the ER setting.

On the other I'm a little depressed that I haven't been able to land a job actually practicing anesthesia. Was it the right thing to give up the offer in Bergen? Moving our whole household to Bergen felt like a huge undertaking. Plus Husband couldn't get a leave of absense from his job, though he was looking for a job in Bergen. I would have prefered to just commute, and let Husband take care of everything here. However he didn't like the idea of me being away so much, and to be fair, the main part of the responsibility for house and home would have fallen on him. I didn't like the idea of being away so much either. I haven't done a proper spring planting in 2 years and I didn't like the idea of leaving Lucy behind.
Am I doing the right thing by pursuing the developement of my skills in akute and critical care in the ER setting? In a sense that is where I imagine my future. When I think of working in the US, Australia or in a mediteranean country in the future, I imagine myself in an ER setting rather than an anesthesia setting. So maybe this is what is "meant to be", if such a concept has any meaning.

Interviews

Just as I was finishing my nurse anesthetist training a job opened up at the hospital where I work. It was a temporary positition for 1 year, and it would have been the perfect place to start my nursing career. So I applied, and since this training also constitutes an excellent critical care training I also applied for a raise in the ER.  I didn't get the job - they had a more experienced applicant. But when my application for a raise was also turned down I started to feel unappreciated.  Every time we had anesthesia personell in the ER my heart would ache because I wasn't "good enough" to be one of them, my increased competency not even considered worth monetary recognition. 

So I started combing the want ads. There was practically nothing out there. I signed up with 4 or 5 temp agencys. I've already written about my interview with one of them. One day they called me up to tell me that the private clinic that had rejected me on the grounds that I didn't have enough experience, was so desperate that if I was competent with total intravenous anesthesia and laryngeal masks I could come on monday and tuesday next week. My first thought was Wow! What an opportunity! Too bad I'm in Italy. But as I thought more about it the absurdity and irresponsibility of the situation hit home. The reasons the clinic had given for not wanting an inexperienced anesthetist were good. Suddenly though, they wanted me to fill in for them, without even a day to get to know the equipment, their routines or anything. It was unbelievable! It made me realize that I had to be very carefull when dealing with temp agencies, so that I wasn't put in situations that were potentially catastrophic. 

Meantime a couple of positions opened up in Bergen. This is a city on the other side (on the west coast) of Norway. Irene lived there last spring and liked it. Bergens claim to fame is the rainy weather. I flew there one day at the end of september and it was indeed raining. I liked the city though. It is small and intimate, nestled in hills along the fjord. Had 2 good interviews. One at one of Norways biggest hospitals and the other at a small private hospital right next door. I was dissapointed in the big hospital. It had all the atmosphere of a warehouse. The surgery/anesthesia unit was sectioned off into an orthopedic section, neuro/ENT section, general surgery, vascular and so on.  I was interviewing for a temp position in either orthopedic or neuro/ENT sections. I liked the other hospital much better. The atmosphere was warm and welcoming. The job would be more varied as it was a smaller hospital with both general, urologic and orthopedic surgery. The anesthesia nurse manager is one of the driving forces behind establishing licencing for nurse anesthetists in Norway. It would be a great place to get my first anesthesia experience, however there was one big drawback - Husband didn't like the idea of me commuting to Bergen. As long as he was saying "don't go to Bergen or else!" my reply was "you can't tell me what to do!" But when he started actually checking out the job market, talking to his own job about a leave of absence etc, I felt I couldn't just take the Bergen job in spite of him.

Also a job had opened up at a large hospital in a suburb of Oslo and I had sent an application just before going to Bergen. Last friday I interviewed there: at a large day surgery unit, and in the ER. The ER is the biggest in Norway and they are willing to pay me as a nurse anesthetist. My chances at the day surgery unit are fair as well. There are 3 positions and they are interviewing 5 people. They did say that if they hire me it would be the first time they hire someone inexperienced.  Next week the verdict should fall and my time of uncertainty will finally be over. 

There IS a life beside nursing.

In march I remember assessing whether I even had a life outside of work and study. This weekend I have realized that since completing the nurse anesthesia course, my life has become rich and full of the most varied activities and interests. Work takes up a large chunk of course, as well as the ongoing search for a nurse anesthetist job, but much of my attention is now focused on non-nursing related activities. For a while I studied Italian and soon I plan to take up Spanish. I continue to do excersises in meditation, observation and self-developement. I have discovered a new author, new to me that is: Stephanie Meyer. I read "The Host" first, a book that I found facinating. It was when I asked at the library if she had written anything else, that I discovered that she is the author of the Twighlight series. I have now devoured the first of these, and am on the library waiting list for the others.



Getting back in shape by cycling, orienteering and doing pilates took a lot of the summer, but once the orienteering season ended I began to spend more time on training Lucy. There is mileau training on mondays, obedience on tuesdays and agility on thursdays. Lucy is very nervous - afraid both of strange people and dogs. Her anxiety can quickly manifest as aggressive behavior, based on the premise (in her mind) that attack is the best defence. At the first agility training we went to, Lucy and I were the only participants, so the instructor spent about 15 minutes just getting Lucy to approach and make contact with her - not by giving her treats out of her hand, but by throwing a treat a little ways away each time Lucy came a little closer. Lucy overcame her fear, and because the treat wasn't coming out of her hand, she was more aware of the act of making contact with the instructor. At the next session we were again the only ones there. I asked if the principle could be applied to other aspects of training. For example I can get Lucy to walk at heel when I hold a treat in front of her nose, but she is so focused on the treat that I doubt she realizes what she is doing. So the agility instructor introduced me to clicker training, as a means of separating the behavior and the treat slightly so that the dog actually becomes conscious of what she is doing. It sounded interesting so I bought a clicker and after doing some research online I signed up for a 7 day free online clicker training course. This turns out to be a whole philosophy of dog training, which I am now trying to assimilate and put into practice. As I become more familiar with the whole concept and gain some practical experience I will post how it goes.