Sunday, June 16, 2013

Wandering: our Tintagel Adventure

Actually we're not supposed to have an itinerary or destination so we're not totally following the book (or rather the web site "the other 999 rooms") Irene and I decided to wander in the direction of Tintagel. We would make the journey be as important as the destination, more so. If we never got there, we vowed it would be okay with us. We didn't plan ahead. We just took the first bus. Before we left I read a passage in The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle,  which would serve as a guide: The how is always more important than the what. In other words we must  give more attention to the journey than to the destination. To figure out if I am able to remain present,  I can ask myself: Is there joy, ease and lightness in what I am doing?  


We started out at the bus stop in Falmouth

The bus winds it's way through the countryside and we saw much more of it than from the train. 


In Truro we stopped at Costa's for cocoa, before walking to the train station for the next leg of our journey. Truro has a beautiful church and and aquaduct which I wouldn't have seen if we hadn't had taken the bus, rather than wait for the train. 




Train station in Truro




Train Station in Bodemin Parkway
This station turned out to be in the middle of nowhere. We had an hours wait for the bus to Wadesbridge so we took a walk among flowering bushes and pastures. 


On our walk near Bodemin Parkway station




The  bridge over the Camel River in Wadebridge
The nice little pub where we ate dinner.


A delicious meal: aspargus, green salad, onion rings and water!


The old rickety bus that took us to Tintagel. The same bus took us back to Wadebridge. 




Tintagel


Irene


The start of the footpath

The footpath continues. You can see the castle gate and the sea in the distance.



A gull on the ruins of the castle wall.




We took the steps down to the beach... 




...and explored the caves.






Merlin's cave and the castle above.

Back in Wadebridge there were no more busses, and we decided to walk the Camel Trail to Bodmin and take the train from there. It was supposed to be 6 miles. 




Camel River just outside Wadebridge




Camel River further on. 


Camel River through the trees.


A bridge over the Camel River


The trail goes under a bridge.


A farmhouse (I think)


Vineyard along the Camel Trail


The end station to the Steam Railroad.
Here I had one of my brilliant ideas. Or not. I thought the train tracks will take us straight to the train station in Bodmin. Well, not straight as it turned out. The tracks skirted the village in a large circle, and when we finally got the the train station it was closed. The regular trains don't stop there, they stop at Bodmin Parkway (out in the sticks, remember?) 

Anyway, we saw a beautiful sunset while following the tracks. But it was evening and we were tired and footsore by this time. We walked over 2 hours altogether, and our intentions of being in the present moment were really put to the test. It was dark as we got into Bodmin, and Bodmin Parkway was God knows how many miles outside of town. Too far to catch the last train to Truro. So we called a taxi from an almost deserted Chinese Takeaway, which got us to Bodmin Parkway a few minutes before the last train. From Truro there were no more trains to Falmouth. Or buses. So we went in search of a taxi. Luckily we came upon a young couple also looking for a taxi and agreed to share. And that was the end of our Tintagel Adventure!




Saturday, June 15, 2013

The Spirit of Wander

Wandering is moving without a fixed course, allowing mood and curiosity to be our guide. We’ve been so conditioned by teachers, parents and bosses, so manipulated by schedules and deadlines and have-to’s, that I no longer have the time or the space in my head to go anywhere unless the destination is clearly marked on the map, with something practical waiting for me at the end. It's as though wandering is what you do when you’re waiting for real life to start. Who has time to wander when there’s dinner to cook, a dog to walk, a paycheck to be earned, emails to read. Life keeps me busy. And therein lies the great challenge of my life: how do I live in a world, but not be of it? How do I pay the bills, take out the trash and still find time to expand my awareness? What matters is that I send an immediate FYI to myself and the universe that my journey on this planet is as important as anything else I do in life. It sends a message that I am ready to travel where there is no path. Wandering teaches me that without the pressure of ambition or purpose or destination, I can stop trying, relax, and let go. I can slow down, pay attention, and walk with eyes wide open. Wandering teaches me that what is most valuable is often unscripted…and that in every moment there exists the possibility for new awareness.

What if I'm too busy, I ask myself? - I am stretched and pulled in ten different directions. I have a husband, job, children, in-laws, house, garden, hobbies and pets. Everybody wants a piece of me. I'm too busy for a shower and a cup of tea, let alone for a walk about town. But here’s the question: when will I make time for myself, if not now? Time to be alone, to question, to observe, to experiment, to see the world in ways I've never seen before?

I'm starting with a commitment. I am going to England for 5 days and I'm doing it in the Spirit of Wander. The journey will be as important as the destination. The airport, the train station, the train will be places in which I am present, places to be, not just pass through. Irene and I have already planned to dedicate one day to the Spirit of Wander. And when I come home, I intend once each week to leave the house for a 2-3 hour wander. 

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Stresses in the home

When Ingvild was here last week, she asked what it is that stresses me. I said I didn't know. I don't know. Ingvild then suggested that my excessive eagerness to please might be a cause. I was surprised. I hadn't realized that I was eager to please. It seemed to me that I do the things I want to do, I take care of my own needs. However after thinking about it I realized that she is right: I am excessively eager to please, and whats more, I am excessively afraid of disappointing. I sometimes wonder why I am so isolated, and why I don't even really mind. Could it be that isolation means that I have less people to please - and, by extension, to disappoint?

In a conversation with my brother on the reasons for feeling burned out and how I was dealing with that, he expressed concern that my earning potential was being compromised, and reminded me of the importance of my home being a place where I can unwind and relax, especially with a job as demanding as mine. I realized that for the past 6 months I have been deeply involved in Husband's problems with his work here on the farm. Problems with communication, organization and priorities... Obviously I am involved to a certain extent. It is Husband's place of work as well as our home, and I have been worried that if he were to quit his job, we would have to leave. But I also worry about how the farmer will manage without Husband. Sometimes it seems that it is Husband who keeps things afloat. I think though, that all this worry and  involvement is the proverbial "straw that breaks the camel's back". It is a cause of unhealthy stress in the very place where I should have a haven to gather strength for work. 



I started working again, but with reduced hours since the beginning of the month. At the moment I feel like I can barely keep afloat. Stress and burnout are not just about work! I have been doing yoga and meditation for a month.  What have I learned? In order to tolerate the demands of a job  in which I have to give of myself 100%, my home needs to be a place where I can relax.  I must try to dis-involve myself of Husbands work situation. I must learn to put my own needs first. 





Saturday, June 8, 2013

Ultrabirken / Bjerkebækk

This weekend was Ultra-Birken and Birkebeiner løpet. This is a series of events, skiing, mountain bike, and running, that are held in the mountains east of Lillehammer and commemorate the trekk made by a bunch of viking warriors as they carried a toddler king over the mountains to Trondheim to save him from assassins. Husband is running the ultramarathon version this year, since he got sick last year and had to cancel. 

We drove up to Sjusjøen where the start point was the evening before and had a lovely visit with our good friend Nils and his lovely lady friend, Eli. They made us dinner and we spent the night. Next morning bright and early I dropped Husband off to start at 8:00 am. 

Start Arena
Getting ready to start - with encouragement from Lucy
Ready

Everyone waiting at the start line

Not sure where Husband is in the throng
While Husband started on his 62 K run over the mountains to Lillehammer, I went back to the cabin, walked Lucy and had breakfast with my friends before driving down to Lillehammer. I still had some time to kill and discovered that Sigrid Undset's house Bjerkebækk was just across the street from the Arena. 

Thither Lucy and I repaired for an hour or so of peace in the lovely gardens. We wandered through the wood and gardens, and sat on a bench just listening to the silence and the bird song, taking in the scent and colors of the flowers, reading and meditating. 

Main House of Bjerkebækk

Well

Ridderspore


The main house from the bench on which we sat.

This little guy sat just in front of us, unafraid. 


Woodland path at Bjerkebækk


Leaving Bjerkebækk
Across the street at Håkon's Hall was a whole other world. Runners, spectators vendors, blaring music, results coming over the loudspeaker, the smells of barbeque... Lucy and I found a place at the top of the hill where the track came out of the woods before decending steeply in zig-zags to the finish line. White bibs meant regular runners doing the 21 km regular run and that's what there were most of. The ultramarathoners had red and white striped bibs. 

Håkons Hall Finish Arena


Husband coming out of the woods for the last few hundred meters

Running down the last hill

Coming through the finish line.
Husband was satisfied with his race. He finished in the top 1/3. I must say I became somewhat inspired myself. Not to run, exactly, but maybe to start taking longer walks. 

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Garden in june

Strawberries


companion planting: onions and carrots

Turnips, Kale and Sugar snap peas

aspargus, zucchini, and nasturtiums

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Problems vs Situations

In "The Power of Now"  Eckhart Tolle has an interesting perspective on problems. He says: When you are full of problems, there is no room for anything new to enter, no room for a solution. When you feel overwhelmed by problems he suggests that you narrow your life down to this moment. Your life situation may be full of problems, but find out if you have any problem AT THIS MOMENT. Not tomorrow, or in 10 minutes, but now. Do you have a problem at this present moment? Ultimately  this is not about solving your problems. It's about realizing that there ARE no problems.  Only situations - to be dealt with now, or to be left alone and accepted. Problems are mind-made and need time to survive. It is impossible to have a problem when your attention is fully in the Now. A situation that needs to be dealt with or accepted, yes. But why make it into a problem? Why make anything into a problem?

There are three kinds of situations :
#1: situations  caused by my own behavior. These I have direct control of in that I can change my habits.
#2:  situations  caused by other peoples behavior. In this case, while I cannot change another person, I can choose my response to that persons words or actions, and this can influence that person as well.
#3: situations that I can do nothing about. It is important to distinguish between situations that are beyond my control such as the past, or the weather. If I can accept and learn to live with them, even though I don't like them,  I do not empower these situations to control me.

I find it is easiest to deal with situations 1 & 2 , as in the following example from the last  agility trials:

There were certain givens I could do nothing about:

  • the hot and sunny weather (Lucy loses a lot of drive when she's hot)
  • the amount and quality of my training preparatory to the trial (in which I hardly trained weave poles at all)
  • the course itself.

It is by focusing on my response rather than on the situation itself that I can be most effective:

  • To the weather my response was to stay in the shade, and soak Lucy with water before each run.
  • Past training, or lack thereof I could do nothing about, but I could use foundation training to create focus for me and increased drive before entering the ring.
  • To ensure a best possible run with the course at hand I did a thorough briefing, making sure I knew the course by heart during the walk-through, meticulously planned the approaches to tunnels and weave poles to avoid confusion, tried to give clear arm signals, and talked her through the course to keep her focused and keep up her speed.
In situations relating to other people, people who are overbearing, or who are unconscious of the effect  their words and actions have on others I have several possibilities for increasing my influence: One is to be mindful of the other person's concerns. Second, I can complement their strengths, and third, I can compensate for their weaknesses. These seem especially important with coworkers and managers/bosses.

With regard to someone for whom whom I am supposed to be a leader, a child, for instance, a trainee or a student, I can encourage them to take initiative in their own lives. Holding people to the responsible course is not demeaning, it is affirming. They may be too deep into emotional dependence for me to expect high creative cooperation. However, I can try to create an atmosphere where they can seize opportunities and solve problems in an increasingly self-reliant way.

After 3 weeks of sick leave I will start working again with reduced hours (19 hrs a week instead of 27) tomorrow. The important thing is to focus my efforts on the things I can control. Though I may not be happy, I can still smile and be cheerful. No matter how I feel about another person, whether I dislike them, feel threatened, irritated, bored, or whatever, I can do nothing to change them. I can only control how I respond to them. I can still choose to be be kind and courteous, to listen, support, affirm. Though I feel exhausted, and weary to the bone, I can still soldier on performing my tasks to the best of my ability.