When Ingvild was here last week, she asked what it is that stresses me. I said I didn't know. I don't know. Ingvild then suggested that my excessive eagerness to please might be a cause. I was surprised. I hadn't realized that I was eager to please. It seemed to me that I do the things I want to do, I take care of my own needs. However after thinking about it I realized that she is right: I am excessively eager to please, and whats more, I am excessively afraid of disappointing. I sometimes wonder why I am so isolated, and why I don't even really mind. Could it be that isolation means that I have less people to please - and, by extension, to disappoint?
In a conversation with my brother on the reasons for feeling burned out and how I was dealing with that, he expressed concern that my earning potential was being compromised, and reminded me of the importance of my home being a place where I can unwind and relax, especially with a job as demanding as mine. I realized that for the past 6 months I have been deeply involved in Husband's problems with his work here on the farm. Problems with communication, organization and priorities... Obviously I am involved to a certain extent. It is Husband's place of work as well as our home, and I have been worried that if he were to quit his job, we would have to leave. But I also worry about how the farmer will manage without Husband. Sometimes it seems that it is Husband who keeps things afloat. I think though, that all this worry and involvement is the proverbial "straw that breaks the camel's back". It is a cause of unhealthy stress in the very place where I should have a haven to gather strength for work.
I started working again, but with reduced hours since the beginning of the month. At the moment I feel like I can barely keep afloat. Stress and burnout are not just about work! I have been doing yoga and meditation for a month. What have I learned? In order to tolerate the demands of a job in which I have to give of myself 100%, my home needs to be a place where I can relax. I must try to dis-involve myself of Husbands work situation. I must learn to put my own needs first.
In a conversation with my brother on the reasons for feeling burned out and how I was dealing with that, he expressed concern that my earning potential was being compromised, and reminded me of the importance of my home being a place where I can unwind and relax, especially with a job as demanding as mine. I realized that for the past 6 months I have been deeply involved in Husband's problems with his work here on the farm. Problems with communication, organization and priorities... Obviously I am involved to a certain extent. It is Husband's place of work as well as our home, and I have been worried that if he were to quit his job, we would have to leave. But I also worry about how the farmer will manage without Husband. Sometimes it seems that it is Husband who keeps things afloat. I think though, that all this worry and involvement is the proverbial "straw that breaks the camel's back". It is a cause of unhealthy stress in the very place where I should have a haven to gather strength for work.
I started working again, but with reduced hours since the beginning of the month. At the moment I feel like I can barely keep afloat. Stress and burnout are not just about work! I have been doing yoga and meditation for a month. What have I learned? In order to tolerate the demands of a job in which I have to give of myself 100%, my home needs to be a place where I can relax. I must try to dis-involve myself of Husbands work situation. I must learn to put my own needs first.
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