In "The Power of Now" Eckhart Tolle has an interesting perspective on problems. He says: When you are full of problems, there is no room for anything new to enter, no room for a solution. When you feel overwhelmed by problems he suggests that you narrow your life down to this moment. Your life situation may be full of problems, but find out if you have any problem AT THIS MOMENT. Not tomorrow, or in 10 minutes, but now. Do you have a problem at this present moment? Ultimately this is not about solving your problems. It's about realizing that there ARE no problems. Only situations - to be dealt with now, or to be left alone and accepted. Problems are mind-made and need time to survive. It is impossible to have a problem when your attention is fully in the Now. A situation that needs to be dealt with or accepted, yes. But why make it into a problem? Why make anything into a problem?
There are three kinds of situations :
#1: situations caused by my own behavior. These I have direct control of in that I can change my habits.
#2: situations caused by other peoples behavior. In this case, while I cannot change another person, I can choose my response to that persons words or actions, and this can influence that person as well.
#3: situations that I can do nothing about. It is important to distinguish between situations that are beyond my control such as the past, or the weather. If I can accept and learn to live with them, even though I don't like them, I do not empower these situations to control me.
I find it is easiest to deal with situations 1 & 2 , as in the following example from the last agility trials:
There were certain givens I could do nothing about:
It is by focusing on my response rather than on the situation itself that I can be most effective:
With regard to someone for whom whom I am supposed to be a leader, a child, for instance, a trainee or a student, I can encourage them to take initiative in their own lives. Holding people to the responsible course is not demeaning, it is affirming. They may be too deep into emotional dependence for me to expect high creative cooperation. However, I can try to create an atmosphere where they can seize opportunities and solve problems in an increasingly self-reliant way.
After 3 weeks of sick leave I will start working again with reduced hours (19 hrs a week instead of 27) tomorrow. The important thing is to focus my efforts on the things I can control. Though I may not be happy, I can still smile and be cheerful. No matter how I feel about another person, whether I dislike them, feel threatened, irritated, bored, or whatever, I can do nothing to change them. I can only control how I respond to them. I can still choose to be be kind and courteous, to listen, support, affirm. Though I feel exhausted, and weary to the bone, I can still soldier on performing my tasks to the best of my ability.
There are three kinds of situations :
#1: situations caused by my own behavior. These I have direct control of in that I can change my habits.
#2: situations caused by other peoples behavior. In this case, while I cannot change another person, I can choose my response to that persons words or actions, and this can influence that person as well.
#3: situations that I can do nothing about. It is important to distinguish between situations that are beyond my control such as the past, or the weather. If I can accept and learn to live with them, even though I don't like them, I do not empower these situations to control me.
I find it is easiest to deal with situations 1 & 2 , as in the following example from the last agility trials:
There were certain givens I could do nothing about:
- the hot and sunny weather (Lucy loses a lot of drive when she's hot)
- the amount and quality of my training preparatory to the trial (in which I hardly trained weave poles at all)
- the course itself.
It is by focusing on my response rather than on the situation itself that I can be most effective:
- To the weather my response was to stay in the shade, and soak Lucy with water before each run.
- Past training, or lack thereof I could do nothing about, but I could use foundation training to create focus for me and increased drive before entering the ring.
- To ensure a best possible run with the course at hand I did a thorough briefing, making sure I knew the course by heart during the walk-through, meticulously planned the approaches to tunnels and weave poles to avoid confusion, tried to give clear arm signals, and talked her through the course to keep her focused and keep up her speed.
With regard to someone for whom whom I am supposed to be a leader, a child, for instance, a trainee or a student, I can encourage them to take initiative in their own lives. Holding people to the responsible course is not demeaning, it is affirming. They may be too deep into emotional dependence for me to expect high creative cooperation. However, I can try to create an atmosphere where they can seize opportunities and solve problems in an increasingly self-reliant way.
After 3 weeks of sick leave I will start working again with reduced hours (19 hrs a week instead of 27) tomorrow. The important thing is to focus my efforts on the things I can control. Though I may not be happy, I can still smile and be cheerful. No matter how I feel about another person, whether I dislike them, feel threatened, irritated, bored, or whatever, I can do nothing to change them. I can only control how I respond to them. I can still choose to be be kind and courteous, to listen, support, affirm. Though I feel exhausted, and weary to the bone, I can still soldier on performing my tasks to the best of my ability.
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