Gift Giving

I originally wrote this post in answer to a couple of blog posts I had read decrying gift giving as materialistic, and thus not in the true spirit of Christmas.

I think gifts are an important Christmas tradition. In a world that focuses more and more on self-fullfillment, treating yourself, rewarding your self etc, a festival dedicated to giving to others creates an important balance. I get that commercialism, and materialism are forces trying to take the joy out of gift giving. Just as the constant pleas by various charitable organisations make you want to turn your back and run. However there is a challenge here to take back gift giving and make it something meaningful!

Gift giving is central to the Christmas story: in the gospel the 3 kings come bearing gifts worthy of kings and priests to the baby Jesus: gold, frankincense. In medieval Christmas plays, the shepherds bring gifts of flour, milk and a lamb. There are christmas carols and poems as well that take up the theme of gift giving: the little drummer boy, giving of his talent – which is playing for the baby.

The recurring theme is giving of what one has. The rich give rich gifts. The poor give gifts according to their means. Those that have nothing can still give of their talents.

The second theme is that the gifts are being offered to the Christ Child himself. How does this translate into giving gifts to loved ones or to charity?

In the gospel of St. Matthew (25:34-40) Christ teaches as follows: Then shall the King say unto them...For I was hungry and ye gave me food: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison and ye came unto me.

Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee hungry, and fed thee? Or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? Or naked, and clothed thee? When saw we thee sick or in prison, and came unto thee?

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Gift giving brings up a lot of questions and feelings. If I give a gift to someone who does not give me a gift, will they feel obligated? If someone from whom I could normally expect gifts never gives me one, does it make me feel that the gift I give is undeserved? Am I giving a gift purely because it is expected of me, or do I have joy in the giving? Nothing takes the joy out of gift giving so much as the feeling that the person you are giving to feels uncomfortable by, or ungrateful for your gift.

Receiving gifts is as much a challenge in these modern times as giving gifts. We feel most comfortable in a commercial relationship where things and services are exchanged according to clear agreements and contracts. Gift giving muddies the waters. When you receive a gift, it sparks a desire to reciprocate. Giving and receiving gifts brings something personal into a relationship that is not regulated by contract. Gifts are often things, but anything you give of your self, out of your own initiative is a gift.

In her poem: In the Bleak Midwinter Christina Rosetti says:

What can I give him, poor as I am?

If I were a shepherd, I would give a lamb.

If I were a wise man, I would do my part.

Yet what I can I give him, give my heart!

Merry Christmas!