Intentions and Wishes for 2014

A blog I read said that when we want something, when we set goals or make resolutions it is because we want to feel better. And that instead of making resolutions, setting goals etc we should just figure out how we want to feel and focus on that.  

Actually I wasn't going to make a whole bunch of resolutions but I thought the exercise interesting and so I decided to go through all my intentions and try to identify in what way they were aimed at making me feel better. 

So here they are, my intentions:

I intend to go to the gym regularly (twice a week) once for cycling, once for swimming, and eat lots of fruit and veg, while avoiding refined sugar because I want to feel energetic, vibrant and beautiful.

I intend to continue learning Greek so that I can communicate with the locals when I am in Crete because I want to feel connected, confident and independent.

I am frustrated about Lucy. That she doesn't come when called, that she isn't focused on the game when we do agility, that she is often aggressive to other dogs and afraid of people who try to pet her. I therefore intend to work on my dog training with the help of Susan Garret's online training courses, because I want to enjoy my dog, and feel relaxed, confident, proud and joyful when I am with her.

I intend to continue doing yoga and meditating daily, because I want to feel inner peace and balance in my life.

I intend to connect more with friends and family through phone calls, e-mails, skype, facebook, and blogs etc, because I want to feel loved, connected, understood and have a sense of belonging.

***

This past year has been challenging on many fronts. In the course of the spring I lost my joy, confidence and energy for work. By May I was on total sick leave for 3 weeks. Most of the summer I worked reduced hours. In the fall I tried working my full position again but after only a few weeks I had to reduce my hours again. Finally decided to reduce them permanently, which is a good thing, as it didn't take more than a couple of weeks of my full position in December before I was on the brink of exhaustion for the third time. 

The other major challenge this year was coming to the realization that I am not cut out for marriage and that if I'm honest with myself, what I really want is to be alone. This feeling has been brewing on and off for several years. I haven't felt properly happy with life, and yet I'd tell myself: what makes me think I deserve happiness. Also there was all the uncertainty that making a major change in my life would bring: would I manage economically on my own? And the hassle of dividing up our stuff. Would everyone judge me? It seemed so egocentric. And what about husband? What would become of him? It was an extremely long, and hard decision to make but in the end I just couldn't go on as before. Husband bent over backwards to try to accommodate my needs and desires. In the end it didn't seem fair to him, and really, no matter what he did it didn't change my desire to be alone. I think what finally decided me was two things. I read a blog post about the importance of having a sacred space, a haven to which you can go to do the work, and gather strength in order to be able to go out and  work in the world. That without that haven, life becomes maddening and you lose yourself to chaos. And I realized that I need my home to be that haven. A place where I can focus on my own needs and prepare for my work in the world. The other was an interview I listened to by the Anita Moorjana, the author of "Dying to be Me", which finally explained the concept of loving yourself in a way that I could relate to. 

"People cringe at the thought of loving themselves. They think it's egotistical, or narcissistic. Those who appear to be the most egotistical are the ones who lack self love. The ones who love themselves are the happiest, most joyful, most secure people to be around. And they are the most giving and the most generous. Because you cannot give love to others if you don't have it for yourself. Our love is conditional when we don't have enough to give away. If we give ourselves love we become so full of love, that it overflows. And when we give love to others we don't need to get any back, because we are full to the brim already. And thus we are able to give love unconditionally. And the love we give can fill people up until they too are able to give."

The bible says: "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself", and people have always said to me that "as thyself" means that I have to love myself first. But it wasn't until I listened to the way Anita put it, that I understood, yes! I need to be able to love myself first, in order to be able to love others, instead of being exhausted by them. 

So I have decided to live alone because I want to to feel free, independent, accepted, to feel spaciousness (to be myself), and finally the feeling of being loveable, beloved and loving.  

My actual New Years resolution is to study "A Course in Miracles". This is a book that I keep hearing about and since it consists of 365 lessons, I thought it made an appropriate New Years Resolution. Ever since the spring when I lost my joy, confidence and energy for work I have been exploring the world of modern spirituality. I have read books on mindfulness (The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle made the biggest impression) and on the the power of the mind to create our reality (E-squared by Pam Grout, is my favorite here), and taken an online course in spiritual developement in Belinda Davidsens School of the Modern Mystic, level 1. The Lightworkers Way by Doreen Virtue also made a deep impression.  At the same time I have continued to study anthroposophy. I intend to continue my spiritual studies and practices because I want to feel self aware, connected with my life purpose and with the spiritual world / the spiritual energy force that underlies the material world.

My main wish for change in 2014 is to have joy and energy for my work, and still have the time and money to travel often. I want to feel free, abundant and relaxed with regard to money, and with regard to my work I want to feel competent and compassionate. 

Christmas in Kritsa

The Christmas tree at the entrance to Kritsa

This was a bit of an unusual Christmas for me, firstly because I celebrated it in Crete, and second because I celebrated alone (except for the dog). Being in Crete, and alone there just wasn't all the stress involved that usually precedes Christmas. Yes, I did clean the house on the 23rd, just like in Norway. But for the past 10 days I have done no baking, and no christmas shopping. I didn't even write any cards though I had wanted to. However last wednesday, I couldn't find a store that sold christmas cards in Agios Nicolaos. Yesterday I actually did find a store that sold christmas cards but felt that it was too late - they probably wouldn't arrive before February now.  

The corn husk creche

I don't have a tree, either. The only Christmas decorations I brought were a corn husk creche that Ilian gave me for Christmas over 30 years ago, and an incense burner with Norwegian Christmas incense. I bought some traditional Christmas bread and Greek Christmas cookies from the women's cooperative. 

A decorated tree in the lower village square

In the morning on Christmas eve I sat down and wrote some Christmas e-mails and bought some gift cards from amazon for various family members. I had fun choosing different animations, hoping the recipients who are gathered at Ilian's house for Christmas will share them with each other. 

On my walk to Panagia Kera: a garden

On my walk to Panagia Kera: an orchard of olives and oranges

On my walk to Panagia Kera: a family of goats

In the afternoon I walked through the village and took the back roads/tracks down to Panagia Kera, one of the best preserved byzantine churches in Crete. We've been there 2 or 3 times before and it was always closed. This time though I knew to go to the ticket office by the road,and after buying a ticket, the lady took me to the church and opened it up. It does have some very nice 13th and 14th century frescoes!

Panagia Kera

Fresco of Saint George

In the evening then, I put on Norwegian Christmas music and sang along while cooking my Christmas dinner of chicken, stuffing, broccoli and salad. The stuffing was made from some old walnut bread, wild sage which I'd picked on my walk, chopped mushrooms, onions and red pepper and melted butter. It turned out delicious! So was the chicken seasoned with salt, pepper and Greek saffron. So was the broccoli steamed in butter with toasted sesame seeds, and the almost Greek salad made from wild greens (bought at market), spinach, onion, cucumber, pepper, cherry tomatoes and olives.

Nativity scene in the upper village square

During Dinner I skyped with Ingvild, and after that with Irene, Tormod and Roland and touching base with Ilian and Sharon as well. Don't know where Beren and Crystal were. Then I watched the Hunger Games before going to bed. All in all, a great Christmas Eve!

Last Days before Christmas

This morning I took Lucy to the vet in Agios Nicolaos to get her worm and flea treatment which are necessary to be readmitted to Norway. The waiting room was much like any other vets waiting room with a corner devoted to quality dog food, and a place to for people to sit with their pooches and cats. There was one other little dog that desperately wanted to say hello to Lucy, but I made her sit quietly next to me and ignore him. 

Beach at Kalo Horio

When we got called into the consulting room, all likeness with Norwegian or American veterinarys offices ended. Lucy practically tripped over a cat on the way in. The cat didn't mind at all, and so Lucy didn't mind her. There was also a teeny, tiny puppy - 4 weeks old - that came waddling up to see who the newcomer was, and Lucy sniffed it's nose in a very civilized manner, which was surprising since she usually doesn't like puppies. The puppy seemed to belong to the dread-locked assistant, because he spent most of the time holding and cuddling it. The cat obviously belonged to the lady vet or visa versa, because when the vet lady sat down to stamp Lucy's passport and write out the bill before we left, she immediately the cat  jumped onto the desk to "help" with the paperwork. The vet pushed her down onto her lap where she stayed through the whole office part of the visit. 

Beach at Kalo Horio

Anyway, after saying "hello" to the puppy,  I had Lucy jump onto the table which then rose to working height. Here she had her temperature taken, her lungs and heart listened to, teeth inspected and ears cleaned by a strange lady who hugged and kissed her face as well (but didn't give cookies like Norwegian vets do) Still, though she looked uncomfortable, she took it all in stride, with no attempts at barking or snapping. Good girl! Though when the vet stuffed a large worm pill down her throat she refused to swallow it, though she didn't try to actively spit it out either. Neither holding her mouth shut, nor pinching her nose shut made her swallow. However when the vet just went a head with the flea treatment  which was some sort of drops at the back of her neck and on her back, Lucy forgot about being stubborn and swallowed the pill.

Too many waves to make Lucy swim, pluss the pebbles were uncomfortable to walk on.

Until today, I had been noticing that Christmas is a much more low key affair than in Norway. However today the Christmas frenzy seemed to have hit Agios Nicolaos. The traffic was outrageous, much worse than last week's market day (I learned later that they had the market today since Wednesday is Christmas Day. There were people all over: shopping, sitting at the sidewalk cafes. Groups of teenagers wearing Santa hats could be seen here and there. Obviously their Christmas vacation must have begun. And there was Christmas music blaring from loudspeakers all over the town! 

But there was this tree with a branch leaning out over the water...

When I got back to Kritsa it was just as quiet and laid back as ever. People were tending their gardens, their chickens, goats, sheep and working in their workshops etc. The only indication of Christmas coming up is the Christmas lights which have become more plentiful in the last few days. 

So I had Lucy walk out to the end and lie down over the waves.

This evening Hilary introduced me to some of her English friends. An couple in their 60's that live here permanently and their son and daughter-in-law who, like me, are here for Christmas. We had drinks and snacks at the son's house first, before going down to the taverna at the entrance to the village for meze. This is a whole new eating experience for me: lots of small dishes to share: there were really only a couple of mouthfuls of each dish for everyone, but we were full by the time we were done. I especially liked the garlic mash that came with salted cod. I wouldn't mind learning how to make that.

The Peninsula of Kolokytha

Looking back on Agios Nicolaos as I take the road to Elounda

Ahead you can see the peninsula of Kolokytha

Shallows near the causeway

The first thing you come to are these old windmills

First the road follows the beach

Fishermen along the road that skirts the edge of the peninsula

Then I took off toward the hill, following this sign

Looking down on the beach below

I reach the top of the hill and there before me is the sea again and the island of Spinalonga

A paved path to the left leads to a little church. I go to explore.

View of Spinalonga from the church

You can see the top of the hill just beyond the church

Here's the bell tower.

Rested in the church yard and had my picnic

Here is the sea again on the way back

The road winds along. You can see Elounda in the distance.

Back at the windmills

Dog Walk

Morning and evening I take Lucy for a 15 minute round trip out the door, up an alley, then left and keep going straight until you (in no time at all) are out of the village and among vegetable gardens, enclosures with chickens, goats and sheep and the ever watchful barking dogs. Just follow the cement track – even in the dark

it is lit from 2 houses that you pass and take a left where that is possible. Cross the flood canal, then follow the road back to Kritsa, cross the bridge again at the water fountain and we are home.

Kritsa bright in early morning sunlight!

The first house we pass has 2 hounds that make a huge spectacle of barking. In the second house there is a little white hairball, who usually manages to get away from his mistress, not once but twice, to come barking after Lucy, his leash dangling behind. His mistress follows, yelling for him to come back, which he totally ignores. I end up catching him and either lead or carry him home.

These guys take their guard duty seriously!

In one of the enclosures there is a tiny lamb, no bigger than the chickens with which it is penned. It comes running bleating to be petted and Lucy sniffs it's nose in a very civilized manner.

The little lamb

Rain in Kritsa

Monday's exploring went to Kroustas and on towards Prina. Eventually, and much later than expected, the road deteriorated, and I parked and continued on foot, as the insurance doesn't cover damage to the car when driving on dirt roads. 

Where the asphalt began again we took off on a dirt track up a hill.

At the top was a sheepfold, shepherd's hut and garden, which were obviously deserted for the winter.

Just beyond these I found the most amazing cliff on which to sit. It had a sheer drop I don't know how far, but it must have been several hundred meters.

This is the cliff top on which I sat. 

A pair of ravens flew up from the rocks as we approached. An eagle, or large hawk could also be seen soaring overhead – or rather below.

From where I sat I could see these cliffs where the ravens had their home.

From this rock I could look out over the valley, and also out to sea. It was the most amazing top-of-the-world feeling.

The first drops began falling as I started back toward the car, and I only got a little wet. As I entered Kritsa however a veritable downpour began, turning the lanes into rivers.  Unfortunatly I didn't take any pictures. It was really amazing!

Cafe Alexandros

The cafe Alexandros seems to be the social hub of Kritsá. I came here on Sunday evening to get online, since the modem at the house is broken. The place was packed! In the outdoor area, now covered and surrounded on 2 sides with plastic walls to protect from the wind, some old guys were playing cards. But the main action was in the main room by the bar as you enter: There were 2 TV screens, one large and one humungous. The large one was playing a drama, though the watchers had to make do with subtitles, as there was a soccer game on the humungous screen, the commentary blaring into the room. Further inside are 2 groups of sofas, a father was watching his sons play a tv soccer game on the tv by one of these groups. A group of girls were chatting and drinking coffee at the other. Some older kids were sitting at a bank of computers playing computer games. There was a game of pool going on at one of the pool tables. I was trying to skype with Roland, and kept having to move. First to make way for the kids playing the tv game, then for the girls that wanted to use the other sofa group. Then I was told my conversation with Roland was disturbing the soccer game - it's clear what the priorities are here! I doubt it would have been well received if I had said the soccer was disturbing my conversation! So I moved to where there were chess and backgammon boards, which were not in use and this seemed to work. I originally had thought, based on the general noise level that a skype conversation would be acceptable, but I must have underestimated the importance of soccer. Since nobody bothers about non smoking rules I eventually got smoked out. 

Like, and yet Unlike

View toward the Kathuro plateau.

At noon I was ready to explore and drove up toward the Kathuro plateau, where Tor Idar had run and taken such fantastic pictures in March. However after driving for about 15 minutes the road began to look like this:

I somehow doubted that my car was furnished with winter tires and decided to park by the side of the road and walk. Indeed, when I looked at the tires they did not look to have much tread, and I noticed that most of the cars and pickups going up or coming down were either a) 4WD or b) had stud tires. Yes, stud tires! Just like in Norway!

Ewe with Lamb

There are other similarities as well:

• The flocks of sheep and goats in the middle of the road – only they look completely different from the Norwegian ones.
• Walking in balmy sunshine along a road on which the snow is melting, was reminiscent of Easter in the mountains in Norway. Here, though it is Christmas.
• The rocky terrain with sparse vegetation, only the rocks are more jagged, and instead of juniper and mountain birch there is gorse, a kind of scrubb holly (more thorns than leaves) and scrubb oaks

Goats, just before they ran away.

Other sights that you would not see in Norway:

Several cars coming down from the plateau had a little snowman on the hood, close to the right dashboard, complete with acorn eyes and twigs for arms.

A pickup truck with the bed full of goats drove by, the goats kept on by a sort of netting cap, on top of which rode 2 dogs who started an incredible barking at the sight of Lucy.

Unfortunately I didn't get pictures of either of these.

Lucy

Lucy and I climbed up off the road and sat on a stone under an oak tree to eat my sandwich, listen to the sound of the bells on grazing sheep and goats and look out toward Mirabella bay, where Agios Nicolaos glinted in the sun.

View toward coastal mountains and Mirabella bay with Agios Nicolaos. No snow here.

Just Me and the Dog

Sunday morning in Kritsa. Walking through the village. Listening to the village sounds of dogs barking, cocks crowing and the chanting of the priest on loudspeaker from the church clear on the other end of the village.

Lucy, the "flying" dog :)

Yesterday was a day of travel. When we set out at 2:30 am it was snowing heavily. Tor Idar drove me to the airport and we arrived shortly before 4 am. I wanted to get there in plenty of time as it was my first time flying with Lucy, but it turned out that checkin didn't even open until 4:30 and the checkin for people without boarding passes didn't open until 5:15. My «special baggage» didn't allow me to check in online. It seemed to me that that would be cutting things awfully short what with my flight leaving at 6:10, but the lady came at 5 am and I was first in line. After going over my paperwork, taking my suitcase which was exactly 20 kg (the maximum limit), and issuing my boarding card I took delivered Lucy to the special baggage people and paid her fare of 450 kr. I left her starting to work on getting at the dog food that I had stuffed into a toy. Then on through security, and to the gate for boarding. I didn't see them load her on, but asked before boarding and was assured that may dog was on the plane.

In Copenhagen I had a 1:15 hr layover, most of which I spent going from the arrival gate to the departure gate for my next flight. When I arrived I could see a trolley with Lucy's crate on it from the window. I watched as workers would stop to talk to her and put out their hands to pet her through the door of the crate. None of them jumped back so I had to assume that Lucy was not acting protective of her space. The lady at the gate told me that she had alerted the pilot to turn on the heat in the hold where Lucy would be kept. Then she went outside to say hello to Lucy. When she returned she told me that Lucy was being very sweet and friendly, that she had licked her hands. She was alert and her ears pricked and listening to the sounds around her, but did not seem stressed. I watched them load the crate before getting in line to board.

Lucy outside the Departures Hall at Gardermoen, Oslo

In Athens, I got my suitcase and shortly after a guy came with Lucy's crate on a trolley. I let her out. Nobody wanted to see her papers. The customs guy just waved us through. She was a bit stiff after 7 hours in the crate and we went straight outside to walk along the shrubbery so she could do her business. As for me, the scent of Greece lifted my heart. I'm not sure what it is, but it makes me feel at home. Checking the dog in for the flight to Crete was a lengthier process than in Norway. First they checked her papers. Then she had to stand on a scale. I think the guy didn't believe me when I said that she was only 15 kg. Then I had to go pay her fare of 350 kr. They also require you to deliver the dog to special baggage at least 1 hour before takeoff. We had some time to kill until then and the arrivals hall was not crowded so we played games. “foot and side” with tight turns and sudden stops. Recalls. Sit, stand, down, it's your choice, back up, sit pretty. Every one was greatly impressed with her tricks. I also started teaching her slallom through my legs. When I took her to the special baggage place they x-rayed the crate before I put her into it. Again I checked at the gate before boarding for confirmation that Lucy was actually on the plane.

Lucy outside the arrivals hall at Athens Airport. 

In Heraklion it took forever before they brought Lucy. Everybody had picked up their luggage and was gone before the crate arrived. The rental car guy had just about given up when I finally came out. The car is a bright red, Suzuki Alto, the crate fits nicely in the back seat. The insurance only covers me if I drive on asphalt roads, but it has free mileage.

Lucy in her dog bed at Kritsanna 

I am writing sitting on the roof terrace, with my simple breakfast of coffee, freshly pressed oranges, and Greek yogurt with honey and the orange pulp. Lucy has made herself at home here. She seems to like lying on the roof terrace. This first day I am figuring out how everything works, and what needs repairing etc. The house is cold (13 degrees) But I hate the noise of the air conditioner. I've got the wood stove burning, though it took awhile to convince the smoke to go up the chimney and not into the whole house.

Lucy relaxing on the roof terrace.

It is a bittersweet experience being here alone, as I have good memories of our stay here together in March and also of our vacation in the US in September. I have to remind myself that life is mostly “everyday” (hverdager), and not vacations.